I feel lots better today, woot!!!!!

Well I went back to work today, it was a slow day at work but I got alot done that needed to be done and I haven't had the time to do! S called me at work today and I told him about the house that I found and the first thing out of his mouth was to wait until we could be together, I stopped him in his tracks and said listen " I need someone who is going to listen to me, not someone who is going to try and tell me what to do" - He said he was sorry and that he really wasn't trying to tell me what to do. So anyway we talked and have agreed that getting a house would be in my best interest rather Peg came along or not, I have a feeling she will but at this point only time will tell. Now I have to figure out who is going to put Kate on the bus for school on a regular basis, maybe I will bring her here and have one of these dinks do it, we will see. Tonight I am doing absolutely nothing beside feeding the kiddos and giving Kate a bath, early night tonight as I have to work in the morning. Things will be tight if I get this house but I will make it and I will be much happier not having to deal with all the dink a doos.

I am in a FOUL mood

I do not feel like myself today, I feel like a total and complete witch. I have no clue as to why I am feeling the way I do, maybe it has to do with the bullcrap earlier with Peggy, maybe not. I have not had as bad a day in a long time as I have been having today. I really don't think days off from work are for me, days I work I am fine, days I don't are poop, plain and simple. I have no one to talk to about anything, S kinda blows me off and trys to tell me what to do instead of listening to me and helping me with whatever it is I am having trouble with, my mom gets pissy if I say something wrong, and I wouldn't talk to my dad or brothers even if they were the last people on earth. I associate with all kinds of women in the cyber world but don't feel close enough to any of them to actually take the time to put it all out there like I really need to - Maybe I should look into talking to a therapist, who knows what I should do. I am definately going to look into that house, I really think walking on eggshells around here is half the problem with me, I don't feel comfortable here or like this is actually my house. I just hope that if I decide to move out that I can make it on my own, that I can actually afford to be in my own place and not have to worry about anyone else but me and Katie Bug, I already know Peggy isn't going with me so it will just be us. I don't ever want to have to come back here once I am out on my own again, it sucks here. I really think some of my problem today is that no matter how hard I try here I can never seem to make the food stretch and I am tired of my kids going without, not that they go hungry but I buy certain stuff for them and it's gone before they have a chance to get a bite of it. I am tired of everyone living here for free while I work a fulltime job and never have anything cause it all goes out to bills and such as soon as I get it. S wants me to move up to his area but I cannot responsibly leave my job, how would I take care of us? His area is a small small small town and job are few and far between, so until a miracle happens there we will be staying here in my town.

My thoughts for today!

I am so tired of living with these people, I really need to call about the house I seen the other day. It is $395 a month so not bad considering some of the going prices for houses in this area. My 13 year old daughter does not want to live with me, she would rather her dad be home so she can live with him, so I guess when I go to move out she isn't going with me as she don't want to and I am not making her so that will be both be happy and not miserable. I guess I do nothing for her and that she don't love me nor does she care about me, her words, not mine. Her grandma has to do everything for her as I do nothing, I do more for Kate then I have ever done for her and as of now she don't want me to do anything for her, anything she needs her grandma will do and get for her, WHATEVER! Peggy's exact words to me regrding living arrangements is that " I would rather live with my dad anyday rather than living with you". That is highly unlikely since her dad is in prison for the next 13 years, she will be 27 by that time and hopefully not living with anyone but herself and her family, you know husband and kids, but maybe not, who knows what will become of her life. I can only pray that when Kate gets to be Peggy's age that she don't hate me as well.